CW: weight loss, body image, mental ill health.
Hello everyone,
I hope this finds you all well! I am so sorry it’s taken me this long to actually post something on here, I really wanted to post something that I actually liked and wanted to finish, rather than something I thought was trash!
I wrote the first verse of this song literally years ago and could never come up with any more words. The song is about a time when I had lost a lot of weight as a consequence of having a mental break down and the shame of feeling happy about it, despite being a train wreck in every other way. I think I tried to see the weight loss as a silver lining, ‘I can’t leave the house but at least my old jeans fit me now!’, but really I was just fueling the negativity I had about my body and giving myself permission to stay ill. I eventually got better, but I have to work hard not to go back there. Nothing is worth loosing yourself like that, nothing.
I guess for this first song I am looking for suggestions for the chorus (probably the thing I struggle with most in songwriting), and if you think any of the lyrics in the second and third verse are worth keeping? Also any suggestions for the music would be welcome, I wanted it to have a dark, art/synth pop vibe. I just did a rough take of the vocals, but do quite like the quiet, spoken vibe for the verses.
I know this is perhaps a difficult subject for my first post, and it was hard for me to share this, but we need to talk about mental health more and it’s what I write about, so I hope you will stick around! Looking forward to hearing your thoughts and working on this with you all.
Ash x
Lyrics
I only lose weight when I’m not well
And then the pounds they fall as easily as rotten teeth
Then come the thoughts I’m scared to tell
Sick sense of achievement as my body starts to fail
Always reach further than my grasp
Nothing better than refusing to relive the past
I know there’s only so much air
I might collapse from heat before I even make it there
I never let on that I’m weak
I pad this fragile skin with darkest silk and deepest ink
You’ll never catch me giving in
I’ll fall short off the line but still find a way to win
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